How to break the stalemate? You know it's good to escape — from work, the kids, the dust bunnies — and concentrate on each other. Hold off if you can! Turn chores into foreplay. But when you're feeling disconnected, your relationship and your sex life suffer.
Just hold her tight, lie with her quietly or give her space if she says she needs to be alone and let her know that you adore her no matter what. When you're stressed out, it's impossible to feel sexy. If you two are spending quality time together, you're happy. Challenge your guy to a heart-pounding activity like rock climbing or white-water rafting. Has she ever started laughing uncontrollably? If so, you are not alone. The same is true in the bedroom — especially if you and your partner have been together for a while and sex has become automatic. Tease yourself — and him. Praise her most intimate parts until she believes you. Recharge your sexual batteries by doing things that let you break free from your hectic everyday life, says Berman. But mix it up a little: Weight training and Pilates, which force you to focus on your muscles and your form, are especially good for this. At least once a week, stand in front of the mirror naked and focus on your favorite features — your toned arms, your firm butt, your gorgeous breasts. There is no one ideal. No wonder we're not in the mood — we're tired! Play a CD that reminds you of your college days and sing along. When you're relaxed and feeling good about yourself, sex will start to seem within the realm of possibility again. Maybe it's after you finish a long run — your blood is pumping and you're relaxed and exhilarated. A recent study at the University of Virginia found that the leading predictor of a woman's marital happiness was the level of her husband's emotional engagement. Think about those moments in your life when you feel completely in tune with your body. Give her orgasms with your hands first, and only then move on to intercourse. But when you're feeling disconnected, your relationship and your sex life suffer. As a result, your libido takes a nosedive. Make the mind-body connection. After a few years together, it's easy to get lazy in bed. Many women think they are deformed down there, and hold back out of fear of being abnormal or undesirable. But you both deserve better.
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